Developing Emotional Intelligence Series (Part 1 of 6)
Emotional Intelligence is the fine art of getting along with people. It seems simple to say, but as we all know it is one of the most complex things we will navigate in our lifetimes.
The Harvard Study of Adult Development has been investigating human flourishing since 1938. Starting with 724 boys from very different socioeconomic backgrounds, the study has followed their lives, and the lives of their descendants to discover keys to a happy and meaningful life. It is the longest in-depth longitudinal study on human life that has ever been done and it has uncovered a profound conclusion: Good relationships lead to health and happiness.
Sadly, good relationships do not happen automatically. If they did, we would all be happy and have a deep rich circle of friends and family. Relationships not only require time and effort to nurture, but they also cause pain and discomfort, something our North American Culture has taught us to avoid. These are not skills we teach well in school either, so we enter our adulthood with big needs and small skills. Additionally, each generation from the Builder generation to our coming Alpha Generation excels and struggles in different areas of emotional intelligence. (See Generational Differences in Emotional Intelligence)
In this 6-part series of articles, we hope to provide some insight on Emotional Intelligence and some practical strategies for developing them in ourselves as leaders and nurturing a workplace culture where these practices can be normalized.
To kick this conversation off, let’s begin by discussing communication - the oil that keeps the relationship machinery moving. Have you ever stopped to think about all the factors that affect our ability to communicate in any given moment, and how quickly or easily these factors can shift?
Consider some of these factors that affect our ability to communicate (This is hardly an exhaustive list):
What would you add to this list?
If we are honest, most of us forget to check in with ourselves to see if we are hungry, angry, lonely, or tired (H.A.L.T.), never mind having the awareness of some of these other things. We operate on auto-pilot in so many of our interactions, running on programming that was often formed in our childhood, that we do not actually pause to question whether we are actually in alignment with how we want to show up with this person in this moment.
When we stop to consider all that could be going on within ourselves, and then extend that understanding to the probability that the other person in this interaction also has some of these factors at play we begin to see why the 4 Pillars of Emotional Intelligence play such a key role in meaningful relationships and communication.
Which factor caught your attention and how has awareness of this factor challenged or changed your relationships?
Comments